Who’s your client? The couple or the parents?
Ideally, the engaged couple are your number one priority when it comes to wedding planning. However, when parents are paying for the wedding, it can be difficult to tell whether the couple is your client or their parents are.
Often the wedding planner becomes the mediator and has to diffuse arguments, mediate differences in opinions, or help with difficult family situations.
At the initial wedding consultation (before too many emotions and opinions have formed), consider asking these questions when parents are involved:
- Is the goal to make this wedding all about the couple and to make it their day?
- How involved will the parents be in wedding planning and decision making?
- Will there be design ideas and opinions from all parties involved?
- If there is a discrepancy in style or taste, will the couple’s opinion preside?
- Who are the main points of contact during the planning process?
- Should the parents be included on all communication?
The key to managing this relationship is clear communication with all parties involved. If the mother-of-the-bride is emailing flower inspiration photos, make sure the couple has also seen the photos. If the father-of-the-groom insists on a change in dinner choices, confirm with the couple. If your clients put you in a difficult situation, communicate that you are happy to move forward when they come to a mutual agreement on their own. Remember that you are the wedding planner, not a magician or psychologist. There are often decades-old family dynamics influencing these arguments and conflicts.
Do you want to feel confident and professional as a wedding planner?
The Wedding Planner’s Toolbox is a complete set of business templates and tools for professional wedding planners. As a wedding planner, you have one chance and a huge responsibility to plan and coordinate the perfect wedding day for your clients. The Wedding Planner’s Toolbox gives you the tools to get things done correctly.
Timeline templates, consultation forms, questions to ask vendors, planning checklist, and much more!
[…] A bride and groom come to you ready and willing to make decisions, plan the big day and listen to all of the expert advice you have to offer. Then something happens. The future mother-in-law to the bride (MOG – mother of the groom) decides she wants to pay for the invitations, flowers and rehearsal dinner but wants to know the total today and it’s still 9 months out, but expects the bride to choose it all right away. You now have to step in and mediate the situation. […]
I think that was very professional…. What if you habe clients that want to vent out their frustrations or problems there having???
Thank you for the comment. Sometimes it can be really helpful
for clients to have a neutral sounding board with their planner
but it is up to you and your comfort level on how often you want
to be the sounding board. Don’t be afraid to communicate what works
for you.
I love that last piece of advice, “I’m happy to move forward when you come to a mutual agreement on your own.” It’s so important for us not to get sucked in to the negative dynamics and that’s a firm, yet polite way to stand your ground.
Thanks Dana. I hate having to say something like that but sometimes it’s necessary.