My brother and brand new sister in-law were planning a big wedding in Wisconsin in May. With the spread of Covid19, they had to postpone their original plans, but opted to exchange vows and celebrate their love with a sweet ceremony and an intimate nine person soiree in their backyard on their original wedding date. 

As a sister, new mom, and wedding planner, their wedding was easily going to be the highlight of my 2020. I was so looking forward to celebrating my brother, supporting my new sister in-law, dancing with my niece in her flower crown, taking selfies with my nephew in his suit, and introducing my baby in his bowtie to friends and relatives.

I was disappointed beyond measure that we had to practice social distancing and could not travel to attend the wedding in person. Our plan B, to witness their wedding by Zoom, turned out to be a solid alternative that made me feel included and part of the joy and celebration from the comfort and safety of our home outside of Boston. 

I am a self-proclaimed helicopter relative, I love hard, so I started checking in with my family early on Friday, the day prior to the wedding. I had heart to heart conversations with my niece and nephew, which was good and it brought my emotions to the surface. I was happy to get a good cry out of the way so my Zoom privileges weren’t revoked for ugly crying during the ceremony.

On Saturday morning, my sister in-law initiated a video chat with me as she and my niece were getting ready. Being a part of this time made my heart so happy. I got to keep my niece company as her nails dried.  

Then my husband, our son, and I logged into Zoom in time for the ceremony. It was amazing to feel so close to the action from so far away. I got to see the dancing, the video my brother made as a surprise, the dresses, the sentiments, and more. I love that my niece and nephew could run up to the screen to show or tell me things throughout the evening. 

Not sure where to get started? Here are our suggestions on how to use Zoom successfully for a wedding from both the host and guest perspectives:

As the Zoom wedding host: 

• Sign up for a paid account on Zoom if you are the host. You can find the Zoom pricing plans and options here. Click on the button for “billed monthly” since you will likely only need a paid plan for a short time. The “pro” paid plan allows unlimited time for calls and the ability to record which are two key features you do not get with a free Zoom account. Most guests will be fine with a free account to watch the wedding.
• Don’t feel obligated to include everyone.
• Decide on the device you plan to use (laptop, iPad, phone). Test it out in advance and invite a few friends to watch from their homes while you test out the sound, video, and location of the device. If you plan to record the Zoom call on the wedding day, test out that function too.
• Confirm the device can hold a charge and have a backup device on standby, just in case.
• Have an extension cord on-site in case you need an alternative power source.
• Mark the distance and height of the device in advance to give guests unobstructed views with optimal video and audio.
• Designate a point person to coordinate the Zoom during the wedding. Make sure they are equipped with the device’s password and are fairly tech-savvy. Ideally, they will have tested out the device with a few test Zoom calls before the big day. They will also be responsible for moving the device to other locations during the wedding if needed.
• Share expectations with everyone about what will be shown on Zoom.
• At least 5 days prior to the wedding, share what Zoom is, how to access it, and the basics of how to use it with your guests.
• At least 3 days prior, share the login information, the password for your Zoom event, and the start time with all guests. Zoom calls can be set up without a password too.
• Designate roles in advance if you want guests to participate in the wedding with a reading, toasts, or speeches over Zoom.
• Test the connection with your VIPs to make sure they know how to access Zoom on their device.
• Consider the start time of the wedding based on sunset if you are planning an outside wedding, especially if you don’t have plans for lighting. You want those guests who are watching on Zoom to see you well. 
• Communicate your Zoom plans with your vendor team so they know this is happening and are aware of the importance of the people on the screen.  
• As host, plan to mute guests during the ceremony and communicate to them that they will be muted. Guests will still be able to hear the ceremony, but others won’t hear background noises from the Zoom guests (voices, phones, tv’s, babies, etc.) as to not interrupt the ceremony. This feature can and should be done by the host, but guests can also mute/unmute themselves as appropriate. 
• After the ceremony, plan to talk to the guests on the screen so they can see you “up close” and congratulate you “in person”. 
• If it’s simply too stressful to figure out all the details of making Zoom work and you don’t have someone technically savvy to delegate this responsibility to, don’t do anything that will add unnecessary stress to the wedding day. It’s OK to NOT do a Zoom.

As a Zoom wedding guest:

• Dress as if you are attending a wedding. Be photo ready incase the photographer tries to capture you on screen. 
• Be prepared with a beverage to toast the newlyweds.
• Determine the device you are using and make sure it is charged. Have a back up device on standby just incase. 
• If you don’t have an internet-ready TV, get a USB to HDMI cord that connects your computer to your television so you can literally watch the wedding on your big screen. Computers are better than phone for Zoom, especially if you want to see other guests. My sister in-law referenced how I was on the edge of my seat watching their wedding as if it was the Super Bowl. Sister, this was way better than any Super Bowl. 
• Have a childcare plan if the little one(s) gets restless and you’re not done Zooming. 
• Be patient. Stuff happens, this is still unchartered territory and not all weddings and locations will have strong, reliable internet, everlasting devices. and tech support on-site. 
• Be prepared to miss moments and have audio challenges. Zoom is a great alternative, but not perfect.
• Schedule a follow-up call with the couple after the wedding day. They will likely welcome the opportunity to reminisce about their wedding with someone who was “there”. 
• Have a point person at the wedding to fill you in on things or move the device as necessary. Chances are they will be happy to have a role and someone to talk to who is on the Zoom side.
• Do not invite other people or share the login info and password with others. This is not your place as a guest.
• Do not live stream the wedding on social media. 
• Do send a gift. Couples need as much love and support as their guests can give them. 

Couples and vendors alike are going through a lot with the current pandemic. This is a difficult time for those getting married and for the wedding industry as a whole. Send the card, buy the gift, write the review, respect their wishes, go the extra mile, and be patient and kind to all those involved. 

Related post: How to Keep Yourself Safe as a Wedding Planner During Covid19

Related post: Top Covid19 Resources for Event Planners

Happy Zooming! 

This is a guest post from Tammy Golson Fallon. Tammy is the owner and creative director of Tammy Golson Events, and a co-founder of Boston Planners Dining Club. With over 10 years of experience, Tammy plans luxury weddings for couples throughout New England, in New York City, and in the Midwest.

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