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Mediating the Bride and Groom Differences
It’s 2 AM and your phone buzzes that you have an email, then it dings with a text and a few minutes later your phone is ringing. You may want to pick up the call or roll over to check your email quickly, but this is an instance when you have to remember that work is not your life and you can get to the “emergency” after you’ve gotten your 8 hours of sleep.
When morning does come, you call back your bride and meet for coffee. It turns out her and her fiancé got into an argument because he was disinterested in selecting the color of frosting for the cupcakes at the reception. This escalated into the bride assuming the groom no longer wanted to be married to her.
We have seen scenarios like this one play out before and I think we sometimes feel caught on an episode of a reality TV show, but 9 times out of 10 there just needs to be some understanding from both parties. So how do we, as wedding planners, play a part in this?
This may come as a shock to some people, but women are not always the easiest to please or to understand, especially while they are planning their own wedding. I know, shocker! One minute this man, whose heart is filled with love for the woman he calls his best friend, is down on one knee proposing forever to her, the next minute he is being pulled to twenty different appointments and has to select from ten shades of pink that all look the same to him. No offense ladies, but he is bound to draw the line somewhere – and he should! If you were being asked to plan the Superbowl party of the century with your man, something tells me that you‘d eventually get sick of selecting the right flavor of chips to go with the beer.
As a wedding planner, your job is to make sure both the bride and groom understand that this is a time when emotions are running high, however, it is not a time to play mediator, at least not to this degree.
While you are responsible for many reactions and outcomes related to the wedding, you do not want to be responsible for the choices the bride and groom make when it comes to staying or not staying together. You may want to suggest that they sit down with one another together and speak with family members or a counselor to help them talk through the differences they are having. Perhaps, they need to put plans on hold just for the moment to figure out what is going on between the two of them and make sure isn’t something deeper than planning anxiety.
The bride has most likely thought of this day at least 9,000 times since she first saw Prince Charming slide the glass slipper onto Cinderella’s foot. Only now she isn’t imagining who Prince Charming will be any more – she’s found him and only wants this day to be perfect for them both. On the other side of it, the groom has decided to share his life with his future bride and is no doubt extremely excited, but his anticipation is for the moment when he gets to say “I do” and make her his partner in life for the rest of their lives, not about which texture of linens to use for the head table. While you just want to see them happy and join each other as husband and wife, it’s good to remember you’ve only known them for a short time, and there may be more to their story that you do not have insight to.
Take a step back and encourage them to seek the advice and professional guidance they need so that they can then come back to you refreshed and ready to continue planning their wedding day.
This is a guest post from Christine Pirkle.
photo credit: Jason+Gina Photography
A complete set of templates, checklists, and tools for professional wedding planners.
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Wedding Planning
Marketing
Day in the Life
Self Development
Friday Favorites
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